i want to live at this place of business...
16.8.10
back to school...
sometimes things just work out really well...after a decidedly difficult day today, three things happened today that made the world seem a little brighter. i have to admit, the idea of starting a new school year is very daunting.
i love my job; over the last year, it has often been what has seen me through some very difficult times. as i contemplated beginning a new year and thought about what i would like to change and what i would like to continue, i realized that it's hard to separate the different strands of life (work, friends, family, etc.) when you look back over a period of time. there have been many times over the past year when i thought that starting (another day, over, another class, lunch, a book, etc.) was too much, that it would take too much.
several times over the past couple of weeks i've really struggled with the question of expectations--who is right? the person who quotes les brown, saying "shoot for the moon. even if you miss it you will land among the stars" or the person who decides not to expect anything, because then you'll never be disappointed? i have tended towards the second one over the last several weeks, but maybe the answer is actually somewhere between the two?
i guess the past year has made me a little hesitant to go entirely with mr. brown, but i'm trying to get back to that viewpoint. on that note, back to the three great things that happened today...it just so happened that just as i was really dreading going out to exercise and wishing that i could just talk and get all of this scary out, my phone rang. i didn't think i would get to talk to my mom for several days, but, just like always, she seemed to have a second sense, and guess who was on the other line. and, just like always, her positive attitude, listening ear, and good advice were amazing blessings. following that conversation, i felt reenergized and had a great walk. in atlanta, i had a perfect walking route, and i've really missed that here. in some ways, that's been one thing that has made it hard to get back on track with the exercise after having mono. but today, i took a new turn--went another way--and found a really nice street with beautiful scenery. it was so nice to get out in my neighborhood and find new things to admire and new kittehs to play with on the way.
not to mention the great road sign fail that i saw on the way...
to cap it all off, when i returned chez moi, i found that the new edition of one of my two favorite magazines, cooking light, had arrived, with an especially interesting article: "deciding to be happier" (by kate meyers). this was so amazing to me, given the fact that my normally hopeful and happy self has been a little doubtful over the past couple of weeks. i liked the article and highly recommend that everyone read it. ms. meyer's conclusion is that "happiness is a lot like healthy eating or exercise--simple advice, hard to implement. the work is constant." it made me smile for two reasons--first, it was a nice reminder that i am a happy and hopeful person for whom happiness is not a super-hard, conscious effort. second, it was nice to be reminded that everyone, usually happy or not, has times in her life when she has to consciously decide to be happy with what is going on, whether that's three little beautiful things each day, or a million different kinds of beautiful things each day.
after reading this article, i realized that i've slacked on my three beautiful things; that is to say, i've sometimes been neglecting to conduct what ms. meyers calls the "appreciation audit"--basically, to look for the good things that make us happy, no matter how big or how small, in our everyday lives.
yes, the past year has been hard. but at the same time, i have so many things to be thankful for: a wonderful family, a fantastic relationship with an amazing guy, awesome friends, a great job doing something that i love, coworkers that i like and respect, a place to sleep comfortably at night, cuddly pets, good books...
i think that instead of trying to decide how much to expect, it's important to focus on the beautiful things in life. perhaps then the relationship between expectations and the fear of disappointment will become less important, because it will be easier to focus on good things and how they change life for the better.
i love my job; over the last year, it has often been what has seen me through some very difficult times. as i contemplated beginning a new year and thought about what i would like to change and what i would like to continue, i realized that it's hard to separate the different strands of life (work, friends, family, etc.) when you look back over a period of time. there have been many times over the past year when i thought that starting (another day, over, another class, lunch, a book, etc.) was too much, that it would take too much.
several times over the past couple of weeks i've really struggled with the question of expectations--who is right? the person who quotes les brown, saying "shoot for the moon. even if you miss it you will land among the stars" or the person who decides not to expect anything, because then you'll never be disappointed? i have tended towards the second one over the last several weeks, but maybe the answer is actually somewhere between the two?
i guess the past year has made me a little hesitant to go entirely with mr. brown, but i'm trying to get back to that viewpoint. on that note, back to the three great things that happened today...it just so happened that just as i was really dreading going out to exercise and wishing that i could just talk and get all of this scary out, my phone rang. i didn't think i would get to talk to my mom for several days, but, just like always, she seemed to have a second sense, and guess who was on the other line. and, just like always, her positive attitude, listening ear, and good advice were amazing blessings. following that conversation, i felt reenergized and had a great walk. in atlanta, i had a perfect walking route, and i've really missed that here. in some ways, that's been one thing that has made it hard to get back on track with the exercise after having mono. but today, i took a new turn--went another way--and found a really nice street with beautiful scenery. it was so nice to get out in my neighborhood and find new things to admire and new kittehs to play with on the way.
not to mention the great road sign fail that i saw on the way...
to cap it all off, when i returned chez moi, i found that the new edition of one of my two favorite magazines, cooking light, had arrived, with an especially interesting article: "deciding to be happier" (by kate meyers). this was so amazing to me, given the fact that my normally hopeful and happy self has been a little doubtful over the past couple of weeks. i liked the article and highly recommend that everyone read it. ms. meyer's conclusion is that "happiness is a lot like healthy eating or exercise--simple advice, hard to implement. the work is constant." it made me smile for two reasons--first, it was a nice reminder that i am a happy and hopeful person for whom happiness is not a super-hard, conscious effort. second, it was nice to be reminded that everyone, usually happy or not, has times in her life when she has to consciously decide to be happy with what is going on, whether that's three little beautiful things each day, or a million different kinds of beautiful things each day.
after reading this article, i realized that i've slacked on my three beautiful things; that is to say, i've sometimes been neglecting to conduct what ms. meyers calls the "appreciation audit"--basically, to look for the good things that make us happy, no matter how big or how small, in our everyday lives.
yes, the past year has been hard. but at the same time, i have so many things to be thankful for: a wonderful family, a fantastic relationship with an amazing guy, awesome friends, a great job doing something that i love, coworkers that i like and respect, a place to sleep comfortably at night, cuddly pets, good books...
i think that instead of trying to decide how much to expect, it's important to focus on the beautiful things in life. perhaps then the relationship between expectations and the fear of disappointment will become less important, because it will be easier to focus on good things and how they change life for the better.
19.7.10
looking for hammy when i come in the door...
just shared this with a friend, and felt the urge to post...
"'We are still with you if you would just see us. I was your heartdog; but here we are everyone's.' Suddenly it became so clear to me. Finally I understood. They are now a part of that light from which all good things flow. They are the hush we hear in the night after a snowfall; the sweet scent after a summer storm. They are the beauty we see each Spring when the hills are bathed in hues of red, yellow and blue on a bed of green. They are the warmth we feel from the sun touching our skin. They are all things eternal. The coldest of Winters will give way to Spring which in turn will step aside as Summer awakens from her sleep. Now they are part of this cycle once more.
Isabel M. Gordon (1996)
28.6.10
3.5.10
the familiarity of being...
so for any of you that have talked to me recently or read my facebook posts, you know that hamilton has cancer, that it is incurable, and that right now we are in a holding pattern as to whether or not the medicines that we can give him will help him to enjoy at least 
a few more weeks (or maybe even a month or so) with us. it's a horrible place to be in as his owner--how do you balance the fact that you can't imagine what it would be like to not have him by your side every day, but also the fact that he's not comfortable and the very least that one can do for such a good buddy is to be unselfish and to help him to be as comfortable as possible.
terminal illnesses always seem unjust--probably because they are. and despite the fact that some might say that hamilton is "just a dog", this post is dedicated to him and to all of his people that have loved and cuddled him, who have appreciated the humor, irony, and devotion inherent in his little being. to those of you who knew him from that first day that the westie rescue brought him to the apartment in bellevue, and those of you who have just now met him in clemson and greenville. to those of you who have turned off at a sonic restaurant especially for him, who have fed him hot dogs, and who know the feeling of just wanting to go home and
take a nap on a rainy day with the cuddliest westie ever.
even though hamilton can't bark, we know he is "a storyteller with his eyes". it doesn't ever matter exactly where he is, as long as he has people that he loves and knows around him. we know that he loves to sleep on leather couches so that he doesn't have to get up when he gets hot. he loves to have his ears rubbed, and he loves to run around aunt sara's camp "naked". his favorite dog in the world is pepper/steve. he would do anything he could to protect the people that he loves and make them feel good. he can lick a plate or bowl until it is more than cleaned off or it disappears underneath a couch. A is for army. we all love (in a special way) the coughing that happens after he drinks some water.
we all know he's a good buddy...the best.
so here's to hamilton...aka hammy, hamster, buddy, buhbuh, buh, bud bud brooks, widgie woo, hoogie boogie, hamma lama ding dong...or whatever else you know him by...and here's to all of the canine companions like him who have guarded our hearts and have always been there for us.
a few more weeks (or maybe even a month or so) with us. it's a horrible place to be in as his owner--how do you balance the fact that you can't imagine what it would be like to not have him by your side every day, but also the fact that he's not comfortable and the very least that one can do for such a good buddy is to be unselfish and to help him to be as comfortable as possible.terminal illnesses always seem unjust--probably because they are. and despite the fact that some might say that hamilton is "just a dog", this post is dedicated to him and to all of his people that have loved and cuddled him, who have appreciated the humor, irony, and devotion inherent in his little being. to those of you who knew him from that first day that the westie rescue brought him to the apartment in bellevue, and those of you who have just now met him in clemson and greenville. to those of you who have turned off at a sonic restaurant especially for him, who have fed him hot dogs, and who know the feeling of just wanting to go home and
take a nap on a rainy day with the cuddliest westie ever.even though hamilton can't bark, we know he is "a storyteller with his eyes". it doesn't ever matter exactly where he is, as long as he has people that he loves and knows around him. we know that he loves to sleep on leather couches so that he doesn't have to get up when he gets hot. he loves to have his ears rubbed, and he loves to run around aunt sara's camp "naked". his favorite dog in the world is pepper/steve. he would do anything he could to protect the people that he loves and make them feel good. he can lick a plate or bowl until it is more than cleaned off or it disappears underneath a couch. A is for army. we all love (in a special way) the coughing that happens after he drinks some water.
we all know he's a good buddy...the best.
so here's to hamilton...aka hammy, hamster, buddy, buhbuh, buh, bud bud brooks, widgie woo, hoogie boogie, hamma lama ding dong...or whatever else you know him by...and here's to all of the canine companions like him who have guarded our hearts and have always been there for us.
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