i love my job; over the last year, it has often been what has seen me through some very difficult times. as i contemplated beginning a new year and thought about what i would like to change and what i would like to continue, i realized that it's hard to separate the different strands of life (work, friends, family, etc.) when you look back over a period of time. there have been many times over the past year when i thought that starting (another day, over, another class, lunch, a book, etc.) was too much, that it would take too much.
several times over the past couple of weeks i've really struggled with the question of expectations--who is right? the person who quotes les brown, saying "shoot for the moon. even if you miss it you will land among the stars" or the person who decides not to expect anything, because then you'll never be disappointed? i have tended towards the second one over the last several weeks, but maybe the answer is actually somewhere between the two?
i guess the past year has made me a little hesitant to go entirely with mr. brown, but i'm trying to get back to that viewpoint. on that note, back to the three great things that happened today...it just so happened that just as i was really dreading going out to exercise and wishing that i could just talk and get all of this scary out, my phone rang. i didn't think i would get to talk to my mom for several days, but, just like always, she seemed to have a second sense, and guess who was on the other line. and, just like always, her positive attitude, listening ear, and good advice were amazing blessings. following that conversation, i felt reenergized and had a great walk. in atlanta, i had a perfect walking route, and i've really missed that here. in some ways, that's been one thing that has made it hard to get back on track with the exercise after having mono. but today, i took a new turn--went another way--and found a really nice street with beautiful scenery. it was so nice to get out in my neighborhood and find new things to admire and new kittehs to play with on the way.
not to mention the great road sign fail that i saw on the way...
to cap it all off, when i returned chez moi, i found that the new edition of one of my two favorite magazines, cooking light, had arrived, with an especially interesting article: "deciding to be happier" (by kate meyers). this was so amazing to me, given the fact that my normally hopeful and happy self has been a little doubtful over the past couple of weeks. i liked the article and highly recommend that everyone read it. ms. meyer's conclusion is that "happiness is a lot like healthy eating or exercise--simple advice, hard to implement. the work is constant." it made me smile for two reasons--first, it was a nice reminder that i am a happy and hopeful person for whom happiness is not a super-hard, conscious effort. second, it was nice to be reminded that everyone, usually happy or not, has times in her life when she has to consciously decide to be happy with what is going on, whether that's three little beautiful things each day, or a million different kinds of beautiful things each day.
after reading this article, i realized that i've slacked on my three beautiful things; that is to say, i've sometimes been neglecting to conduct what ms. meyers calls the "appreciation audit"--basically, to look for the good things that make us happy, no matter how big or how small, in our everyday lives.
yes, the past year has been hard. but at the same time, i have so many things to be thankful for: a wonderful family, a fantastic relationship with an amazing guy, awesome friends, a great job doing something that i love, coworkers that i like and respect, a place to sleep comfortably at night, cuddly pets, good books...
i think that instead of trying to decide how much to expect, it's important to focus on the beautiful things in life. perhaps then the relationship between expectations and the fear of disappointment will become less important, because it will be easier to focus on good things and how they change life for the better.
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